Ingram Family

Well we certainly are not pregnant .. luckily I had signs before POAS (pee on a stick) syndrom kicked in. It's funny how right up until I get that first sign of AF appearing I've somehow convinced myself that every symptom is pointing to maybe this month. I figure it's just because I have no patience .. and because I always had this constant fear that if I missed my shot by just a few days I would wind up pregnant immediately. Obvious I was wrong, because Hellooo out there I've missed a bunch of shots and still nothing. I think it's probably because I'm trying to get pregnant on purpose. I would be willing to put money on taking the pill for a couple of months and winding up pregnant almost immediately.

I had an appointment with the doc today to see if they'd prescribe me clomid, since I've already purchased it and now I'm having some anxiety about taking it without the supervision of atleast someone to blame if something happens. Well no such luck. She told me "to wait a year and come back and see her" .. when I asked her in a year from today? or a year from my last injection? or a year from the time it wore off? She responded "YES". I'm starting to feel like we may have some communication issues so I try again ... Do you mean in October or in December and she said "YES" .. so feeling like I was going nowhere with the conversation I left without saying anything. She also said next time I come in to bring with me three charts of cycles, since I have none I guess we will be waiting until atleast November/December before I can make an appointment with charts anyways. What I really wanted to do before I left was tell her I bought the prescription myself and I just needed a little guidance, but I was worried that there was some weird rule that they were allowed to come into your home and steal unauthorized prescritions or something. So needless to say I spent an hour in a stuffy office waiting for an appointment to get 15 minutes worth of useless information. I am totally freaking though, I'm suppose to start the clomid in three days .. should I really take it on my own without a doctor. I've researched a lot but is it enough? I guess I'm going to have to think about this a little more .. it would only be a few more months of waiting .....

Well I've been found by my Uncle on the internet .. (HI HENRY) .. go figure. I still haven't even been able to find myself on the enternet I wonder how he's pulled this off. I wonder if everyone will start reading this now ... (HI EVERYONE). Well he's certainly going to tell my mom .. (HI MOM) and if you know my mom she can't hold in anything. I guess I should be expecting to find myself on the local news soon.

Wether this is a good thing or not, I've finally realized that I could buy clomid online and not have to wait for the recommended 2 years by the doctors. Who needs them eh ... I've figured out how to get my hands on the good stuff by myself. Fuck em' (now if only I could figure out how to put in my own implants). At the same time I'm not so sure it's such a good idea that I be self-diagnosising myself either. Oh well I'll only take the first 6-month round of clomid .. and I'll set up an appointment now with the gynecologist to tell him what kind of crazy stuff I've been up to.

So today, as I'm checking the mail like a mad woman waiting for my ovulating inducer to arrive, I realize that I am off on my cycle days. I thought my period was like a day or two late when in fact it is not suppose to arrive until next week. What is funny is the last few days I have secretly thought that I was and then I had some brownish discharge and a spot on Tuesday which made me think my period was right on time .. until today, when I realized my days were all off. I have no idea why it is I thought it would show up this week. My last period started Aug 3 (spotting), Aug 4 (flow) .. my last three cycles have been exactly 28 days .. so recalculate (correctly this time) and that means my period should be here Aug 31 or Sept 1. Luckily for me, JJ has been abusing the excuse of we're having a baby, so if I did ovulate .. I have no idea how that egg could have possibly dodged the sperm.

So I guess we'll wait until next week before testing. Sypmtoms I have conjured up in my mind ... severly emotional (or possible anger management issues), very bad headaches (perhaps too much coffee), incredible constipation (eating all that cheese has finally caught up with me), and the gag reflex from the sight of the pork chop (greasy smelling meat has never been my thing anyway). The only thing that really makes me believe that it is possible I'm pregnant now ... I just spent $50 US on fertility drugs to help me ovulate !!! The irony ...

I only have a few minutes to write. I think I may have EWCM, not positive, but hopeful and JJ came home from sea a day early so that certainly helped. Again I don't think the immaculate conception idea is going to work for me. After a few obstacles, we finally got to get down to business. I really don't think JJ deals with the pressure very well of being expected to perform on demand. I think we're still good at making it fun and somewhat spontaneous, but I think in the back of his mind always is the fact that we are now having sex with a purpose. Hopefully this type of stress does not affect the skills of his sperm.

I ordered some clomid online without consent of my physician. In fact my doctor doesn't even know that I've ordered it. Other than few side effects I think it will be safe to use for six cycles in a row without supervision. If I haven't gotten pregnant at that point I will consult someone with a degree of some sort to give me the go ahead after a six month break. I know that if not taken correctly they can overstimulate your ovaries and if taken on a long term basis you can develop cysts on your ovaries. From what I've researched you are advised to 50mg for a six month period, then take a break for six months. Then you can go back on it and they'll increase your dosage, and then another break. I'm sure how many times you can do it ... but I do know that there is a max limit set on them. Again, I will try them for a six month period and hope for the best. I'm trying to get pregnant by Christmas. Hmm if I conceived on Christmas eve my baby would be due in mid-September some time.

Having a great time getting married in Montego Bay, Jamaica 

I think at this point I'm not looking for JJ to get me pregnant I'm looking for immaculate conception. With JJ being in the navy their timing for going out to sea does not seem to be working in my favour. I should be ovulating some time this week so of course the ship sailed Monday and doesn't come back until Friday and then he is duty Saturday .. so I guess this month is a bust.

I don't know what made me think I was so damn special, but for some reason I truly believed that I would somehow get pregnant right away. Even though I was on Depo and the stats say not for atleast a year. Even though JJ sails all the time and his sperm is a special part of this process. Even though I wasn't even ovulating from what I could tell since I wasn't even getting a period. Even though I just had my period a few weeks ago I still couldn't stop myself from peeing on that stick again this morning. Even though I knew it would be negative I for some reason thought maybe, just maybe there was a slight chance. Maybe I just like the disappointment on a regular basis. It's horrible. I know it will happen some day, I'm just not a very patient person. It's like I want it and I want it NOW. It doesn't help JJ spoils me rotten either.

How in the world am I going to get pregnant with him at sea. Well better start trying to come up with another plan ...

To me it seems completely logical, if everybody and their dog can create a blog why can't I?

It seemed rather easy at first glance. Step-by-step instructions. Hmm I should be able to do this while having my first morning coffee. Well this seems to be the result. Please bear with me if you are out there reading this. I am not nearly computer literate enough to be doing this. Also my vocabulary, imagination, (and an endless list of other stuff) is barely enough to grasp my own attention for more than a ten minute stretch at a time.

I have been lurking on blogs everywhere for about 6 months now. I truly had no idea this world existed out there. My shock is quite the same as the time a friend of mine showed me the whole "adult chat rooms with webcams" thing. Well maybe it wasn't as shocking as that but it was close. I had no idea these online diaries were going on.

I stumbled upon the blogger world one day after my husband and I decided that we wouldn't start trying to have a baby and that I should stop taking my depo provera shot. After a few weird side effects of coming off the shot I started looking for people online, message boards, that sort of thing in hopes of finding some answers. I ended up finding a whole world of stuff out here.

So here we are at the very beginning of our trying to conceive journey. Well not really at the beginning. I had my last depo shot September 2003. We waited naturally for the visit from my monthly (something I hadn't seen in years) to show on her own. She never did and we grew tired of waiting. I started taking herbs like Vitex and drinking red raspberry tea, neither seemed to do anything. In June 2004 we decided to try BCP's for a couple of months in order to jump start my system, also to plan around a trip to Jamaica (did not want any surprises). My first period came at the end of the very first pack, on time. I started my second pack, never being real good at remembering the pill (reason for the depo) I forgot to take several of them so we through away the pack thinking they would be useless because of the whole "miss 3 pills/use other contraceptive method" rule. My second period came on time regardless. Beautiful! So that pretty much brings us to date.

I am somewhere in the middle of my cycle, if I was going to ovulate, it would be the next few days while JJ (greatest husband ever) is at sea, he's in the Canadian Navy. How do people get pregnant when their spouse is away at work all the time? Does the whole freezing sperm in a turkey baster (sp?) really work?

Ok I think that is enough for one day, since I don't want you to get this post confused my own online published book I will stop while I'm ahead. Hmm now I have to go check out and see what this looks like. I wonder if anybody will ever see this in order to read it?